Hello All, Guest blogger Papa Pandesal here. I’m going to tell you a story, a story of how Mama Pandesal ended up at the University of Washington Hospital. It all started in a land, a land far far away. A land called West Seattle. It […]
Toddler is sick.
Toddler can’t go to school.
Baby won’t nap.
Baby will only want to be carried.
Toddler won’t nap.
Need to feed toddler…and baby.
Clean up toddler.
Clean up spit up.
Spit up on baby and momma. Change.
Dance baby around so she falls asleep.
Play with toddler while carrying baby.
Put baby down.
Baby wakes up. Carry her again.
Mommy needs coffee, oh out milk, need milk with the coffee. No coffee for mommy.
Pay bills. While carrying baby.
Change baby’s diaper.
Pee on carpet and on toddler. Potty training still.
Baby screaming on the floor.
Pick her up and dance around.
Turn on cartoons.
Where’s my coffee? Oh, I need milk with my coffee.
Baby poops again.
Dance around til she falls asleep.
Tell toddler cartoons will be done after baby is in bed. He cries.
Maybe, I can take a nap and the kids won’t notice. What time is it??? Crap, 4 more hours before daddy gets home.
Change baby’s diaper.
– – – – – – – – – –
I wrote the above and realized there’s still a lot of nursing on demand that’s missing. Some days are tough especially with an infant. But the smiles and laughter that fills this home erases every hard moment. Thankfully, there are lots to go around.
My body is exhausted but my heart is full. I thank God for blessing Nick and I with the most adorable sweet kiddos. Not happy with the poops though.
Once in a while I have a motherhood/parenting thought and say to myself, “Oh yeah, that’s a good one, I should blog that.” Well, I’ve been doing that for months and don’t really post it.
Now I have a bit of time and decided I should post after reading this post from the MOPS website. I know exactly how she feels. That ripping feeling when someone questions Desmond’s size. “Oh he’s soo small!” Like, I don’t already know that. And that comment always sounds like they want an explanation. Sometimes, I find myself explaining why, sometimes I just smile and walk away.
I can’t say I’m jealous. I am not jealous of how women gave birth or how “normal” everything went. What is normal anyway? How I gave birth to Des was my normal, and that’s ok. I accept that. It’s mostly feeling hurt and appalled at insensitive people (mostly strangers and some acquaintances). But they are not my people. My people know me and love Des.
My people (Grey’s Anatomy reference there) pray with me, cry with me and celebrate with me. These are the people you keep. If you have people like this in your life, NEVER let them go. Treasure them and love them, because they are the ones that help keep you going especially through some very dark times.
I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been MY people. You guys know who you are. I want to thank you because you don’t question Desmond’s size or how he walks. You love him as your own and it makes me feel loved.
Since we’re talking about MY people. Then my husband is there on the top. He has been such a great support and encouragement to me and Des. He is such a great father to Des, that there aren’t enough words to say them all here.
Finally, to my little warrior, Desmond. You’re right up there. You’re my favorite little guy and you have been such a blessing to us. Thank you, for being you and for loving your mama and papa unconditionally. Thank you my dear one for your funny dances, kisses in the morning and sweet caresses on my cheek when I am tired and need sleep. Thank you for reminding me that the little things in life are what makes everyday lovely and wonderful. You bring so much joy and laughter to our home, the two things your mama and papa pray for everyday. Keep being the fighter that you are. Keep trying and keep exploring. You have gone such a long away and don’t stop because you are going to be moving mountains when you grow up. Now that I think about it, you already have.
I am at that moment where I feel content and everything seems to be right in the world. We may not have a house, a brand spanking new car or the ultimate dream job, but we are content. Des is doing great, Nick has a job and we are living the most amazing Seattle summer. That is a good life to me.
Des had his High Risk Follow-up at UW Center on Human Development and Disability yesterday. The doctor told me that Desmond’s progress is impressive and that Nick and I are doing a great job. That of course was music to my ears and happy tears streamed down my face.
I am happy and so proud to know that all our hard work as well as Desmond’s (because it’s all him really) is paying off. I have visions of him running around and climbing all over the play ground.
While this feeling of contentment is swimming in my heart. There is this other feeling where it seems that something greater and bigger is about to happen. That God is not done blessing us and telling us that there is more to what we have now. Not just material stuff but in relationships as well.
I will be expecting that and I can’t wait to see where He is going to take us. For now, I will go with the flow. Love on my husband and Des, and be happy.